Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize