i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
