There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
