No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
