What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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