When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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