I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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