I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
