i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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