Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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