I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
