She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
