Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
there's paper in my vomit.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
