"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just found a bag of teeth...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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