I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
