So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
