can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
