it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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