What did we do last night that was yellow?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
