the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
