Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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