Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it's great music for shaving your balls
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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