fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
