I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
