Don't make out with my wife yet
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
