Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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