she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
