How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
