ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
