Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
