Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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