Please, let me fuck your mom
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
