Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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