This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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