Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize