between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
