Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
