girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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