So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
