So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
