so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
