proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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