im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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