Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
