Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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