So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
