what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
