I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
