dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Let's get the cat blown out
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
