how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
