I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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