My Higher Power is John Stamos
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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