just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
