I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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