I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I FOUND THE LEGS
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
