i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i need some magic done to my vagina
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
