I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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