I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
