I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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