This dress was meant to end up on your floor
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
