She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
