I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Alive.
So much puke
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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