Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
