don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
