By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize