dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
