My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
