i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
