my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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