Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
